Vedere Consulting

“Abandon sageliness and discard wisdom
Then the people will benefit a hundredfold.”
-- Lao Tzu

This quotation hits me like a thunderbolt. Because my secret longing is to be wise. I’ve trained for it and read for it and worked for it and sacrificed other goals for it. To my mind, wisdom is the ultimate accomplishment. It goes beyond being savvy or smart. It means knowing how to use what you know, how to respond to the moment, how to help.

But there’s a dark side to my pursuit of wisdom. The dark side is having to know, having to respond rightly. If I’m wise (like the many “sage” characters we see on TV) I have to know what to do, what to say. That can be nerve wracking. Because I don’t always know. When I don’t know something I or others expect me to know, I feel incompetent. I lose my focus. As a coach, my attention shifts from my client to myself. “What do I do now?” I ask myself. I become conscious of my hesitations. I wonder what my client is thinking of me. In the worst moments of unknowing, I imagine that everyone will somehow know about this and think I’m completely hopeless. My mind is running a mile a minute.

The last thing I’m doing in such a moment is what Lao Tzu calls “non-doing.” For Lao Tzu, there is a flow of life that is ever-changing, ever-creative. If we trust in the creativity of life, our job becomes one of doing nothing that interferes with that flow. Paradoxically, if one is focused on being wise, one cannot be aware of the flow or trust that flow. Whatever one does will interfere with the creative process. When I struggle to be the sage, I act unwisely. When I let the process unfold, when I don’t grasp for the solution or the right thing to say, when I focus on what’s happening and don’t worry about what I “should” be doing, the right answer comes.

Many of the executives I know are the same way. After all, aren’t they paid to have the answers? These executives believe, sometimes at an unconscious level, that they have to know what to do when subordinates come to them, when their bosses come to them, when the organization demands an answer. They are great problem solvers, great visionaries. And, like me, sometimes the external or internal pressure to know gets in the way. Just like my brilliant insights sometimes get in the way of my client’s discovering something even more brilliant for themselves, the go-to VP with all the answers gets in the way of their subordinates solving problems for themselves. Or they solve a problem too quickly and miss valuable information that would have informed a better decision. Or they solve the problem the same old way and lose out because the old way is no longer sufficient.

There is such pressure for us to know, to be right, to be wise. Yet to be wise and helpful, we have to let go of our desire for wisdom, our need to be right. We must wait for the right time, trust that others will find the answer, tune in to what our senses, our bodies and our emotions are telling us, let go of what we know so we can trust the unknown. All this requires a certain faith, not in ourselves, but something larger. Call it God, call it the Tao, call it the Universe. If we trust in the flow of life, we don’t have to be right. We simply have to be present.

Labels: Leadership Development, Personal Growth

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

April 16 was the first anniversary of the massacre at Virginia Tech, my alma mater. I was touched by the many ways people at Tech remembered the event—reading poetry, writing memorial letters, creating art on rocks to symbolize “hokie stones,” planting trees to honor the victims—all actions that honor and support and touch the heart. I learned the meaning of courage and grace from Tech students and faculty last year. This year, they offer us lessons in remembering and learning from our darkest hours.

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine, in his remarks during a memorial ceremony for the 32 shooting victims, challenged us to see the implication of young lives cut short to our own. He said:

“The world was cheated on April 16 a year ago—cheated out of the accomplishments that were sure to come from these 32 lives. These 32 lives were too short. But we all lead lives that are too short. If we realize how short life is, how short our lives are, we will focus on what is important—faith, relationships with family and friends, dedication to great causes and principles, and service to others.”

Our lives are short. What we do with them each and every day makes a difference—sometimes in ways we cannot imagine. You’ve probably heard about how the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings can affect the weather thousands of miles away. You never know when one small thing you do sets off a chain of events that produces consequences far beyond your intention.

Governor Kaine articulated the things that matter to him—where he wants to focus his energy in his too-short life. His faith, his relationships, his service—this is how he knows he is giving himself a life well lived. I believe his challenge to all of us is to find the things we value and to live those things every day so that at the end of our lives we can celebrate the short time we’ve been given.

Labels: Personal Growth

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

Years ago, when our children were small, we would occasionally walk to a neighborhood restaurant called Dot’s for dinner. Dot’s is located about a mile from our house and the boys inevitably complained that it was too far to walk. To my husband’s and my environmentalism and love of the outdoors, driving one mile was blasphemy. Our children, when faced with the choice of walking to Dot’s or not going at all, would reluctantly choose to walk. I think the allure of Dot’s chocolate pie was strong enough to overcome almost any objection.

It wasn’t that the complaining stopped. My husband and I were sure to hear many groans on the way as the boys had second thoughts about whether Dot’s was worth it. How did we keep them going? First, we would turn around and say, “Look how far we’ve already come!” The boys would look backward and see how much they’d already achieved, and that gave them a boost that was usually good for a couple of blocks. Second, one of us—my husband or I-- would race ahead and hide. The boys would get caught up in a game of hide-and-seek and run to see if they could find which tree Mike or I had hidden behind. When they “caught” one parent, the other would go ahead and find another tree. Before anyone knew it, we’d be in front of Dot’s.

At one time or another, we all have to walk to Dot’s. We all have to do something distasteful or boring or difficult. We know we need to do it because the end result is worth it, but we dread what we have to do to get there. Over time, we develop strategies to help us get going and keep going. When we procrastinate or put off these necessary tasks, it is these strategies that help us reach difficult goals. It’s also true, I think, that sometimes we forget these strategies and things that are important to us don’t get done. It might be taking time to think through an important long term strategy, it might be leaving work early to be with family, it might be starting to exercise or lose weight. I find that many small business owners put off developing or implementing a marketing strategy. Many executives I’ve worked with have a hard time cutting back their long work hours.

It’s with these important tasks that remembering what we already know can be really helpful. For me, my strategies are similar to the ones I used with our children when we walked to Dot’s. When I’ve begun something difficult or distasteful, I look back to see how far I’ve come. That gives me an energy boost to go on. When I’m stuck, sometimes I stop and ask myself how I could make this fun. For example, when I’m putting together a lengthy proposal for a potential client, I’ll take my computer outside and work in the garden, or I’ll go to a favorite spot in the house or I’ll play some great music. Before I know it, I’m done!

I’m telling you about my strategies for dealing with tough jobs, not because they are the best solutions, but because I think sharing what we know can give someone an idea that will help them over a hump. In that spirit, I invite you to respond to this post and share how you “get yourself to Dot’s.” You just might have the idea that helps someone do something important they’ve been putting off for too long.

Labels: Personal Growth

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

My name is Plum Cluverius. Not surprisingly, when people meet me they often ask me if this is my real name. It isn’t, exactly. Plum is a nickname. My birth name is Ellen Marshall Burruss. My mother told me years ago she chose it because it would look good on the cover of a book. Ever since, I’ve had this nagging feeling that I should be a writer. Accompanying this is an equally nagging fear that whatever I write will be inane, intellectually weak and I will be exposed before the world as a fake. (Think Plan 9 From Outer Space).

I’m not alone here. How many of us keep ourselves much smaller than we could be because of our fear of exposing ourselves to the world? How many of us settle for jobs we don’t enjoy, organizations or clubs we “should” belong to, neighborhoods that aren’t neighborly and lives that are ok? I’ve met so many people who are bored or dissatisfied or constricted by the reality of their lives. When I ask them what they would do if money was no object, they rarely give the expected answer of “quit my job and live it up.” They often tell me their dreams. Things like “open a music store,” “teach college,” “become a decorator,” “open a restaurant.” Creative things. Fun things. But then they tell me why they can’t do it.

Langston Hughes once asked, “What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up, like a raisin in the sun?” Is your dream a raisin, devoid of juice or life? If so, all is not lost. When you put a raisin in hot water, it plumps back up. It becomes soft, delicious in a whole new way. You can do the same. Your dream isn’t dead. It’s changed, as you have changed. It’s tempered by what you’ve learned. But it’s still there, waiting, ready to be reawakened.

Goethe said, “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” It all begins by starting, somewhere, anywhere. It begins by recognizing your fear of failure and pushing on despite that fear. It begins by finding others who will support and encourage you and will keep you on the path.

I wanted to write even before my mother told me her dream for me. Now it may not be the great American novel I dreamed of as a child. But I still want to reach out to others in a bigger way than I have ever done before. I want to be read and I want to write something worth reading. If you are reading this, you are witnessing my first step. All day I have been dreading the moment when I sat down in front of the PC. My mind has been full of “what if’s.” I finally took a deep breath and began. You are witnessing my first step. All I can say to you at this point is it’s not so bad. Not bad at all. In fact, it’s kind of fun!

Labels: Personal Growth

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.