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“Emotions . . . are at the root of everything we do, the unquenchable origin of every act more complicated that a reflex. . . In all cases, emotions are humanity’s motivator and its omnipresent guide.”

--Thomas Lewis,MD, Fari Amini, MD and Richard Lannon, MD, A General Theory of Love

If you want to motivate people to give you their best every day and inspire them to keep moving forward despite the inevitable obstacles that get in the way of achieving a goal, you have to know how to touch them on an emotional level. That requires emotional intelligence, the capacity to identify and understand one’s own and others emotions, and to manage oneself in relationships. There is a plethora of information on emotional intelligence, but when it comes to developing emotional intelligence, the material that appeals most to me comes from Learning in Action Technologies, www.learninginaction.com, a Seattle-based company specializing in EQ related assessments, workshops, teleclasses, and coaching.

Learning in Action focuses on the basic building blocks of emotional intelligence. The competencies and skills Daniel Goleman and others use to predict leadership performance flow from these capacities. If you want to improve your ability to use your emotions intelligently, it makes sense to work on these foundational capacities first. These are:

Self Reflection is the ability to recognize your own experience—your thoughts, feelings, wants, bodily sensations and actions. Self reflection is the capacity to observe yourself in the moment and to use your internal experience to inform what you do. Much of our internal experience is so automatic that we remain unconscious of it. As we build our capacity to observe our own reactions to a situation, we can consciously choose how to act instead of responding automatically (and often ineffectively).

Self Regulation and Self Soothing is the capacity to calm ourselves when we experience tension and to soothe ourselves when we experience emotional pain. By calming ourselves in healthy ways, we clear our brains so we can assess the situation more accurately, identify more possibilities for action, and choose more wisely. With this capacity, we are able to regain a sense of balance on our own, without requiring others to change.

Empathy is the ability to recognize what someone else is experiencing, to see something from their perspective, and to accept that perspective even if you don’t agree with it. It is being able to put yourself in someone’s shoes. Empathy is both the ability to accurately assess what someone else is feeling and to feel for them—to care about their experience.

Learning in Action has developed an assessment to measure these capacities, the EQ in Action Profile, and a handbook of practices for strengthening each area. The EQ in Action Profile uses videotaped scenarios to measure how you respond to stressful situations rather than self report or a 360 assessment. The handbook offers 150 suggestions for strengthening your EQ fitness, and is available to individuals who have taken the assessment.

Plum Cluverius, PCC is an executive coach with over 30 years experience in leadership development. She lives and works in Richmond, Virginia.

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

Have you ever gotten up in the morning and things just seemed to go wrong from the time you woke up until you went to bed? It’s almost like one thing cascades into another making you more and more frustrated and irritable. You’re drowning in a sea of negativity.

You don’t have to live this way, says psychologist and researcher Barbara Fredrickson, PhD. You can change your mood, and when you do, you change your life. She’s done the research to prove it. For years, Fredrickson has investigated the value of positive emotions—joy, serenity, gratitude, curiosity, amusement, etc. in both controlled laboratory experiments and in field studies. She’s measured the effects of positive emotions on the way people think and catalogued their impact on people’s skills, traits and well being. What she’s found is that positive emotions have a purpose beyond just feeling good for a moment. Positive emotions expand our ability to respond to daily crises and problems with creativity and resilience. Basically she says that fear closes down our minds and hearts, it makes us dumber and less able to respond to a crisis. Positive emotions open them, so that we see our problems more clearly, and are able to make more creative and nourishing choices about what to do next.

In addition, the more we experience positive emotions, the more we change and grow, becoming better people and developing the tools we need to make a better life. That is, over the long term, we become more satisfied and fulfilled.

A fascinating part of Fredrickson’s work is the positivity ratio, the number of positive emotions compared to the number of negative emotions we experience each day. If our positivity ratio is 3:1 (3 positive emotions to one negative emotion), we reach a tipping point where we receive all the nourishing benefits of positive thinking. Below that ratio, we tend to descend into negativity. Most of us have a positivity ratio of 2:1 or worse. (If you want to find yours, you can take a free quiz at www.positivityratio.com).

We can improve the ratio by experimenting with ways to inject positivity into our days. And this isn’t something you can fake. In fact, you can pressure yourself to be positive and that just adds to the negativity! Instead, look for sources of beauty and pleasure. Look for small opportunities to engage in nourishing activities. Notice your negative interpretations of events and find a more positive perspective. There are a number of tools on Fredrickson’s website. Take advantage, and let yourself flourish.

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

Have you ever wondered how NASCAR drivers manage to squeeze between two cars at 200 mph? or keep from hitting the wall through all those turns? They focus on where they want to go, not on what they don’t want to do. As one NASCAR driver in an interview said, if you drive thinking you don’t want to run into the wall, then you’re going to run into the wall. When you’re passing cars or weaving between them, you don’t focus on the cars, you drive for the opening you want to go through.

It’s the opposite of what we often do when we’re faced with a tough situation—whether the danger is physical or it’s a difficult conversation or decision. We focus our attention on what could go wrong—the boss will get angry, the employee will file a complaint. We become more tense, and our ability to think clearly diminishes. Because we’re obsessing about not running into the wall, we make it more likely that’s exactly what will happen. But focusing on what we want to happen, on where we want to go frees up our minds to think creatively and to act wisely. We see the opening between the cars and we go for it.

Because this behavior is unnatural to most of us, we have to practice it. We have to be aware of ourselves and our tendency to focus on the danger. And when we notice that our attention is turned to what we don’t want, we have to shift our attention to what we do want. For example, one of my executive clients had an employee who wanted a plum assignment. In other projects, however, this employee had alienated other members of the team by taking on most of the responsibility and then complaining about the team’s lack of participation. My client was concerned that the employee would become de-motivated if he didn’t get the assignment and she wasn’t sure how to approach him. But when she turned her attention to what she did want, which was to help her employee learn how to delegate effectively, she quickly decided to give him a portion of the assignment on the condition that he work with a mentor who was good at delegating. Once my client had her eye on the prize she was able to create viable solutions—and to communicate them more effectively.

It was another client of mine who discovered the information about the NASCAR driver. He uses a computer wallpaper featuring a race car to remind him that he’s much more effective when he looks for the open space instead of focusing on the cars. It’s a reminder most of us could use.

Plum Cluverius is an executive and leadership coach located in Richmond, Virginia.

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

This is the ninth and final post in a series on maximizing performance through managing energy based on the work of Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in their book, The Power of Full Engagement.

Did you know that up to 95% of what we do during the day is done automatically? Our brains work hard to create habits because it takes a lot less energy to function that way. As we know intuitively, exercising self control is much more draining! Since so much of our behavior is habitual, the more our habits serve our deepest values and our life’s purpose, the more satisfied and fulfilled we’ll be.

I wrote earlier about the importance of creating new habits if you want to manage your energy more effectively. Today, I’d like to expand on that a bit. Creating a new habit is hard, but the sooner the new behavior becomes automatic and effortless, the more likely it will become permanent.

Many of us have negative energy habits, automatic behaviors that drain us of the energy we need to perform at our best. Here are some examples of common ones:
• Skipping lunch or other meals
• Checking e-mail throughout the day
• Working long hours without a break
• Staying up late and then relying on caffeinated beverages to get us going

You will be most successful in changing your negative energy habits if you create a positive habit to replace it. And you will be more successful in creating and maintaining a positive habit if you:

• Make sure the new habit is precise and specific—that is, you decide on a specific time of day and a very clear behavior. For example, when I wanted to change my eating habits to maintain my energy, my dietitian recommended I eat small meals or snacks at 6:00 a.m., 8:00 am, 10:00 a.m., noon, 3:00 p.m. 6:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m. Eating at those specific times (or close to them) kept me from getting hungry and kept me on track. A couple trying to find time to talk about their deepest thoughts to each other were unsuccessful until they agreed to start at 8:00 a.m. on Saturday morning.

• Make the sure the new habit you create is about something you want to do rather than about something you don’t want to do. One of my clients found that checking e-mail all day long was interfering with her concentration. She made her day much more productive by scheduling 3 times a day when she responded to e-mail. Because she created a new habit for checking e-mail, she was able to let go of checking it constantly.

• Revisit the reason you’re creating the new habit regularly and occasionally change it up so it doesn’t get boring.

• Make your changes incremental. You can overwhelm yourself with too many changes at once. Try one or two, gain some success, and then try something else. One of my clients felt she was unproductive because she didn’t get enough sleep. She was a night owl and sometimes stayed up until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning and then got up at 7:00 a.m. She first created a bedtime ritual that would end at midnight and then gradually moved it backwards until she was able to go to sleep regularly at 11:00.

• Monitor your progress. It’s important that you know how well you’re doing. Many people find using a simple tick sheet or a brief journal entry at night is enough to track progress. After all, although it’s great to know what you want to do, it’s much better if you’re actually doing it! Monitoring yourself is not about beating yourself up if you’re falling short of your goal. It’s about looking for hidden barriers to your success. Perhaps your goal was too ambitious and you need to scale back. Perhaps the new behavior isn’t tied to what’s truly important to you. Or perhaps the old behavior has benefits you don’t want to let go of. In any case, recording your progress is intended to be instructive.

The goal of creating a new habit is the embodiment of what you hold most dear. Cultivating the habits you want is key to a satisfying life.

For more ideas on small changes you can make to increase your performance:
contact Plum for a free brainstorming session: plum@vedereconsulting.com or 804-261-6483.
or
read The Power of Full Engagement, http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+power+of+full+engagement+

For a free or an inexpensive Full Engagement Profile, see: http://www.lgeperformance.com/assessment_diagnostic.html

For more information about the authors of The Power of Full Engagement and their work, see:
Jim Loehr is the Chairman, CEO and Co-Founder of the Human Performance Institute, http://www.lgeperformance.com/index.html .
Tony Schwartz is Founder and President of The Energy Project, http://www.theenergyproject.com/home.html .

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery, Work and Life Balance

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

This is the eighth post in a series on maximizing performance through managing energy based on the work of Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in their book, The Power of Full Engagement.

As noted in my last post, change is driven by a purpose so powerful it overcomes our inertia. Yet purpose alone isn’t enough. You also have to recognize the truth of the present. You have to take a hard look at your current behavior and how it falls short of your values. You have to recognize it’s you who are creating the gap. You have to acknowledge the consequences of your actions. When you do that, the gap between reality and the ideal creates the impetus to act.

This happened to me recently. Although my family, my friends and my colleagues are very important to me, I am chronically late—to everything. Family gatherings. Meetings. Movies. I have driven my husband crazy with my lateness for the 33 years we’ve been married. One day, I asked a friend who is always on time how she did it. She said it was hard, but she believed keeping people waiting is disrespectful so she made a conscious effort to be on time. She also said, in a very gentle way, that she had learned to expect that I’d be late when we were getting together.

Well, that got my attention. I had to acknowledge how my behavior communicated a lack of respect to the people who matter most to me. I felt ashamed. The gap between my values and my behavior couldn’t have been clearer. And I decided right then that I would be on time from now on. And so far—at least six weeks into it, I’ve been fairly successful although not perfect. To achieve this, I had to take a hard look at my behavior. I learned that I tried to squeeze in one more task when it was time to go. I learned that I hated to wait so I would leave at the last possible minute and get caught in traffic. I learned that I would let what was in front of me take priority over my commitment to a friend. This scrutiny helped me clarify what I had to do differently to change my behavior.

Loehr and Schwartz identified typical executive dysfunctional behaviors and their consequences (as well as the short term benefits that reinforce the behavior). I’ve listed three of them here. To see the whole list, look on pps. 154-155 of The Power of Full Engagement.

Expedient Adaptation	Benefit Now	Cost	Long Term Consequences
Poor Work/Life Balance	Accomplish more at work, less emotional risk, avoid responsibilities outside work	Lack of time for intimate connection, resentment of family and friends	Unfulfilling relationships; tendency to impatience and anger; burnout; regret; guilt; and loss of passion
Multi-tasking	Get more tasks accomplished; feel productive; high excitement	Divided attention; less fully engaged with people; lower quality of work	Shallowness of connection to others; less capacity for absorbed attention; lower quality of work
No Exercise	More time for work and other obligations	Less energy, strength, general well-being; lost source of recovdery from mental activities; more susceptibility to sickness	Undermines health; lowers concentration and access to high positive energy; increases chance of early death

Are any of these behaviors familiar to you? Finding your gaps pays off. Ask people for feedback. Pay attention to yourself. Where do you fall short of your ideal? What are the consequences? What actions are contributing?

For more ideas on small changes you can make to increase your performance:

contact Plum for a free brainstorming session: plum@vedereconsulting.com or 804-261-6483.

or

read The Power of Full Engagement, http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+power+of+full+engagement+

For a free or an inexpensive Full Engagement Profile, see: http://www.lgeperformance.com/assessment_diagnostic.html

For more information about the authors of The Power of Full Engagement and their work, see:

Jim Loehr is the Chairman, CEO and Co-Founder of the Human Performance Institute, http://www.lgeperformance.com/index.html .

Tony Schwartz is Founder and President of The Energy Project, http://www.theenergyproject.com/home.html .

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery, Work and Life Balance

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

“He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.”
--Friedrich Nietzsche

This is the seventh post in a series on maximizing performance through managing energy based on the work of Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in their book, The Power of Full Engagement.

In my November 12 post, I discussed how difficult it is to change a habit—even one that no longer serves us. Our brains are wired to resist change. Without sufficient energy and focus to move in a new direction, we remain inert. What gives us the strength to change—to exercise more, become more organized, to listen to others more carefully, to run more efficient meetings—is the power of purpose. Purpose is connecting deeply to the values that are driving us to change, recognizing what we are doing now that is disconnected from that value and creating a clear picture of where we want to go.

Purpose creates resolve and gives us the motivation and energy we need overcome inertia. Loehr and Schwartz write about an overworked executive who was overweight, flabby and irritable because of the long hours and weekends he put in at the office. It was only when he was able to reconnect to the deep love he had for his wife and children and recognized how he was failing them by his constant absences that he was able to change his ingrained work habits. In essence, he found something important to say yes to that enabled him to say no to his old habit.

According to Schwartz and Loehr, purpose becomes a more powerful and enduring source of energy when it is positive rather than negative—it moves toward something you want rather than something you fear, it is internal rather than external, and it is focused on others rather than on yourself. In another example from Schwartz and Loehr, a lifelong smoker was only able to quit when she recognized the harm she was doing to her children by smoking and she became clear about how she wanted to be there for them as they matured. It was her love for her children that was strong enough to overcome her addiction. No external motivation, not even her own health, was as powerful.

Purpose is more motivating when we see for ourselves how the old habit or behavior is no longer serving us. No habit is created in a vacuum. The behavior served a purpose and that’s why we did it often enough to create a habit. Once we recognize the original purpose and decide it’s less important than our new goal, or that we can achieve the original purpose in a different, more nourishing way, we can make a more conscious choice about our behavior in the future. Sometimes this takes a while, and it requires honest introspection and evaluation, but it makes a permanent behavior change possible.

Finally, purpose is more powerful when we have a clear picture of where we want to go. A question I often ask my clients is “what will be different when you make this change.” The more specific and clear that picture is, the more motivating it becomes. Visualizing success over and over, as elite athletes do in competition, actually anchors that picture in our brains. We rehearse the new behavior in our minds, we can see, hear and feel the results, and it actually becomes easier to do in reality.

So yes, we can change even ingrained habits when we recognize them for what they are and decide the purpose they serve is not worth the cost. We can change when we create a powerful new purpose that gives us the energy, focus and resolve to stick with it, even when we temporarily revert back to our old ways. We can change when we focus on that purpose, visualize our success and practice the new behavior one day at a time.

Good luck!

For more ideas on small changes you can make to increase your performance:
contact Plum for a free brainstorming session: plum@vedereconsulting.com or 804-261-6483.
or
read The Power of Full Engagement, http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+power+of+full+engagement+

For a free or an inexpensive Full Engagement Profile, see: http://www.lgeperformance.com/assessment_diagnostic.html

For more information about the authors of The Power of Full Engagement and their work, see:
Jim Loehr is the Chairman, CEO and Co-Founder of the Human Performance Institute, http://www.lgeperformance.com/index.html .
Tony Schwartz is Founder and President of The Energy Project, http://www.theenergyproject.com/home.html .

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery, Work and Life Balance

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

The Master acts without doing anything and teaches without saying anything. Things arise and he lets them come; things disappear and he lets them go.
--Lao Tsu

A client of mine—a physician with a thriving practice-- was feeling overwhelmed. She was struggling to meet the demands of her work, a husband and two active children, a large network of friends, and service on a non-profit board. On top of this, she was planning a 50th wedding anniversary for her parents. She was sacrificing her exercise and meditation routines in an effort to get everything done and she still felt important things were falling through the cracks.

My client is, like many of us, is trying to juggle a multitude of priorities. Her job, her family, her friends, community service, her parents are all important to her. Exercise and meditation had been keeping her sane. What was she to do?

The typical response to such a dilemma is to either keep putting one foot in front of the other or to start problem solving. I find neither response works well. As Albert Einstein famously said, “The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.” Instead, I encouraged my client to pay attention to her current experience. What emotion does being overwhelmed evoke? What does she feel in her body when she experiences being overwhelmed? What does that feeling tell her about what she needs to feel less anxious?

These questions might sound strange at first, but they help a person observe their current experience rather than becoming stuck in it. The person is able to get some distance from the experience while still staying connected to it in an immediate way. Attention is focused on the experience rather than the myriad of theories our minds create to explain our dilemmas. And because our experience is more closely connected to the core of who we are, it becomes easier to let go of preconceived notions and allow our creative core to suggest new ways to solve the problem.

My client’s creative solution was to hire a stay-at-home mom who wanted a few hours of work to help her organize her home office. She felt her current system of sticky notes and piles of bills on the foyer table was contributing to her sense of chaos and that if she could get that organized and a system in place it would be easier for her to stay on top of things. She also decided to look at all she had on her plate to see if there were tasks she could let go of, delegate to others, delay, or diminish in some way.

Lao Tsu calls this process of problem solving “non-doing.” Non-doing doesn’t mean doing nothing, it means becoming fully aware of one’s current experience, accepting it and seeing what it has to offer, in other words, going with the flow of life rather than trying to change it. It is counter-intuitive to those of us taught that the best way to solve problems is through effort and hard work. Yet non-doing unleashes a creative force that promotes better “problem solving” simply from paying attention and remaining curious about our experience. I invite you to try it and see for yourself.

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery, Work and Life Balance

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

"Creative work is first prepared for and only then realized. Improvisation requires preparation; spontaneity requires preparation. The very ability to approach a blank canvas or computer screen is contingent on the artist's inner preparations, contingent on the alignment of his heart, mind, and hands in the direction of his task. The artist who does not get ready will never be ready: an artist must prepare like any ardent apprentice to achieve mastery."

--Affirmations for Artists by Eric Maisel

I was in my late 20’s when I attended graduate school at the Leadership Institute of Seattle. The program was innovative and experiential and attracted a lot of bright, intuitive students. Many came because they wanted to make a difference. Many, like me, were impatient to make our marks on the world. We expected to do well.

We didn’t know as much as we thought we did. We understood, as Greg Johanson and Ron Kurtz say in their book, Grace Unfolding, that “those who are best at what they do are not bound by the axioms, rules and limits of their fields, but allow themselves to be directed by their open, intuitive imaginations.” That was us--ready to break the rules, to be guided by our intuitive sense of what would work. What we didn’t see was a principle vital to the mastery of any discipline—freedom to innovate requires minds “primed . . . by studying widely and deeply.”

The person who made this principle clear to me is a man named Ron Short. A faculty member at LIOS during my time there, Ron created a simple model that illustrates the importance of discipline to freedom. He helped me see that instinct and good intentions are not enough. He has given me permission to create my own version, which preserves, I think, the spirit of the original. It appears at the bottom of this post.

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.