Vedere Consulting

One of the questions my clients ask most frequently is how to develop their people more effectively. Often they ask it because they are stuck solving problems for employees for the better part of the work day—and then are forced to work extra hours to get their own work done. I always recommend the Situational Leadership Model, a tool I have shared with leaders for over 30 years. Clients tell me it is the most practical model they ever learned.

Developed by Paul Hersey and Ken Blanchard in the late 1960’s, Situational Leadership provides a roadmap for effective employee development, delegation and performance management. It identifies two key leadership behaviors, giving direction and providing emotional support, which followers need in varying amounts if they are to successfully learn or complete a task. It then demonstrates how the two leader behaviors are combined to create a variety of leadership styles. What makes the model so practical is that it shows leaders when to use the different styles for maximum impact. If, for example, you have an employee who turns in sloppy work that you have to review and correct before it goes out, the model will help you diagnose the leader behaviors you are currently using that aren’t working and identify the leader behaviors that will probably be more effective.

The key to successful diagnosis is to identify what leader behaviors the follower needs in order to be productive. This is determined by identifying the follower’s development or readiness level—that is, how competent (do they have the requisite knowledge and skills) and committed (are they confident they can be successful and do they think the task is important) the follower is. Blanchard labeled four development or readiness levels: the eager beginner (little knowledge and skills but some level of commitment), the disillusioned learner (some knowledge and skills but somewhat discouraged or uninterested), the capable, but cautious performer (significant knowledge and skills but lacks confidence or commitment) and the self reliant achiever (high levels of competence and commitment). Click here for images of the model: http://images.google.com/images?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=s&hl=en&source=hp&q=situational+leadership&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=YqFpS5izO4aelAf7oKyRCA&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=4&ved=0CCoQsAQwAw

Each of these four development levels requires different leader behavior. The eager beginner needs a lot of clear direction, the disillusioned learner needs direction and emotional support. The capable, but cautious performer (often an underachiever) frequently gets, but does not need, a lot of direction. Instead, they require supportive leader behavior to determine what will help them recognize the importance of the task or develop more confidence in themselves. The self reliant achiever needs little direction or support from the leader.

Strong leaders match their leadership styles to the needs of the follower they are trying to influence. Dysfunctional leadership occurs when leaders use more directive or supportive behavior than needed (overleading) or less directive or supportive behavior than needed (underleading).

Going back to our employee who turns in the sloppy work, the leader should first assess—either alone or by talking with the employee—if the problem is a lack of skill, a lack of confidence or commitment, or both. If the problem is a lack of skill, the leader needs to give clearer direction, guidance and feedback. If the problem is a lack of confidence or commitment, the leader needs to give more emotional support by asking questions, giving praise and encouragement, and explaining how the task fits into the big picture.

To learn more about how this works and for a free diagnostic tool, contact Plum at www.vedereconsulting.com or go to the source: Paul Hersey at http://www.situational.com/?_kk=situational%20leadership&_kt=800c4946-eeed-432e-a65c-1ea085df15ff&gclid=CPP98eHH1p8CFR6dnAod-WIvaQ or Ken Blanchard at http://www.kenblanchard.com/Issues_Organizational_Development/Effective_Leadership_Solutions/One_to_One_Talent_Management/Management_Situational_Leadership_Training/ .

Labels: Leadership Development

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

Have you ever gotten up in the morning and things just seemed to go wrong from the time you woke up until you went to bed? It’s almost like one thing cascades into another making you more and more frustrated and irritable. You’re drowning in a sea of negativity.

You don’t have to live this way, says psychologist and researcher Barbara Fredrickson, PhD. You can change your mood, and when you do, you change your life. She’s done the research to prove it. For years, Fredrickson has investigated the value of positive emotions—joy, serenity, gratitude, curiosity, amusement, etc. in both controlled laboratory experiments and in field studies. She’s measured the effects of positive emotions on the way people think and catalogued their impact on people’s skills, traits and well being. What she’s found is that positive emotions have a purpose beyond just feeling good for a moment. Positive emotions expand our ability to respond to daily crises and problems with creativity and resilience. Basically she says that fear closes down our minds and hearts, it makes us dumber and less able to respond to a crisis. Positive emotions open them, so that we see our problems more clearly, and are able to make more creative and nourishing choices about what to do next.

In addition, the more we experience positive emotions, the more we change and grow, becoming better people and developing the tools we need to make a better life. That is, over the long term, we become more satisfied and fulfilled.

A fascinating part of Fredrickson’s work is the positivity ratio, the number of positive emotions compared to the number of negative emotions we experience each day. If our positivity ratio is 3:1 (3 positive emotions to one negative emotion), we reach a tipping point where we receive all the nourishing benefits of positive thinking. Below that ratio, we tend to descend into negativity. Most of us have a positivity ratio of 2:1 or worse. (If you want to find yours, you can take a free quiz at www.positivityratio.com).

We can improve the ratio by experimenting with ways to inject positivity into our days. And this isn’t something you can fake. In fact, you can pressure yourself to be positive and that just adds to the negativity! Instead, look for sources of beauty and pleasure. Look for small opportunities to engage in nourishing activities. Notice your negative interpretations of events and find a more positive perspective. There are a number of tools on Fredrickson’s website. Take advantage, and let yourself flourish.

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

We all have a relationship with money. We either care for it, nurture it or we abuse it. Many of us are anxious about our finances. It’s a relationship we can’t escape—and it’s complicated, if not sometimes dysfunctional.

So what constitutes a healthy relationship with money? Interestingly, it’s not about having a lot. Research indicates that more money increases happiness when people move from poverty to the middle class, but falls off after that. Real satisfaction with money comes when we spend, save and acquire money in a way that is consistent with our deepest, most fundamental desires and values. It happens when we are able to be grateful for what we have, when we learn to be satisfied now rather than believing happiness will come when we move to a bigger house or buy the latest gadget. It comes from taking control of our finances instead of letting them control us.

This kind of satisfaction and gratitude is hard to sustain because our relationship with money is influenced by attitudes about money, our money “scripts,” that we have developed over many years. Money scripts are patterns of thought about money that are so habitual we are usually completely unaware of them. We develop our scripts from the way our parents dealt with money, cultural messages, and our own interpretations of events in our lives. One woman who always wore hand-me-downs is now determined to have “the best of everything.” A colleague whose parents taught him that being successful meant earning lots of money measures his success by how much money he makes. A woman learned from her parents that “the money will come when you need it,” used a credit card when she couldn’t afford something until she was in deep financial trouble. And all of us are bombarded by a culture that tells us every day that what we have and who we are is not enough.

The first step in developing a healthy relationship to money is to do some soul searching, to reflect deeply on what is most important to you. The second step is to identify the unconscious money scripts that create dysfunction in your relationship with money. The third step is to create healthier beliefs that will enable you to do the financial research and take grounded action that will move you toward a relationship with money that serves your deepest self. These three steps are vital because without them, your unconscious patterns will repeat themselves no matter how much planning you do.

Labels: A Healthy Relationship with Money

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

When I was growing up, my mother was the only woman in our neighborhood who worked. And I resented it. I wanted her to be like all the other mothers who stayed home. She didn’t have to work, my father made enough money to support us. She did it because she wanted to. In 1950’s suburbia, that was almost unheard of.

My mother did what many people fail to do. When it was important, she put herself first. I have worked with hundreds of people over the years as an executive coach and workshop facilitator, and many of those people find it very difficult to put themselves first even when they need to. It may be the unreasonable demands of a difficult boss, it may be failing to find time to renew oneself when faced with the multiple responsibilities of work and family, it may be limiting oneself to a job that is unsatisfying and boring, it may be avoiding an employee whose personal problems have affected their work performance. I see this behavior in successful executives as well as first line supervisors. I see it in men as well as women.

In our culture, despite the “me” generation labels, there is still a strong undercurrent of belief that it is selfish and egotistical to consider our own needs, to be clear about what we want and to make requests of others that would enrich our lives. And so we don’t. But when we consistently fail to put ourselves first, the unmet need manifests itself in dysfunctional ways. We may become resentful or angry, we may put unreasonable expectations on others that we’ve sacrificed for, we may become depressed or unproductive, or we may become sick.

So how do we buck this current? And how do we balance our needs with the legitimate needs of others? There are a number of books that have tackled this subject. I highly recommend Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication: a Language of Life, Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler’s Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High, William Ury’s The Power of a Positive No, and Ron Short’s Learning in Relationships.

Each of these books tells us that a primary task is to become observers of ourselves. To pay attention to our feelings, to name them without explaining why or judging whether they are right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable. And then to identify what we want and need. To accept that want or need as legitimate. This is easily said, but very hard to do. I met with a group of trainers and coaches recently and we acknowledged we still struggle with naming needs and accepting them as legitimate. It requires conscious effort and acceptance.

It also means that our needs are as important as other’s needs. Not more important. Not less important. Equally important. That means that we may have to negotiate with someone else to get a need met. We may have to help them identify what their need is. We may have to resist their demands. And we have to resist making demands on others.

We can put ourselves first. We need to.

Plum Cluverius is an executive and leadership coaching practicing in Richmond, Virginia.

Labels: Crucial Conversations

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

Many of the executives I work with are terrific problem solvers. They are inventive, determined, intelligent. It’s one of the main reasons they got to where they are today. But what happens when the problem isn’t one that can be solved—like death or a terminal illness? Or someone doesn’t want you to solve the problem for them? Or you don’t have the experience or skills or resources and don’t know where to turn? How can an inveterate problem solver be effective?

The answer is simple, really. Stop talking. Give the person your full attention. Listen with all your heart. Tell the truth about your experience. Trust that resolution will come without you and that your caring and presence is enough. Lao Tsu called this experience “non-doing.” Non-doing doesn’t mean doing nothing, it means paying attention to your experience and to what another person is experiencing without doing anything to “fix” it. It is also recognizing that paying attention is often enough.

All of us have heard the jokes about married couples experiencing the frustration of problem solving gone wrong when one of them (often the woman) discusses a problem she’s having. Her husband, with a sincere desire to help, gets out the proverbial toolkit and starts troubleshooting. “Did you try x,” he’ll say. She, a little frustrated because of course she tried x, will continue on but with an edge to her voice. “How about y,” her husband says. Now his wife is getting really frustrated and maybe a bit insulted. Because she doesn’t want his advice. She just wants him to listen. If he listens she can figure out the problem herself. Or she just needs to know someone cares and understands.

The same thing happens between parents and children or bosses and subordinates. It happens sometimes in really difficult situations when we want to help someone we love through all illness or the death of a loved one. We give advice, or we try to problem solve. And sometimes that’s the worst thing we can do.

Experts, as well as people who have experienced great tragedy, tell us that the people who were most helpful were the people who gave support through being there to listen when the sufferer wanted to talk. It is non-doing. It is not interfering with the flow of life but supporting it.

This is a tough stance for a chronic doer. I recommend acquiring the gift of non-doing in small steps. First, simply pay attention to your reactions to problems. What does your body do? Does your heart rate increase? Do you feel tension or release anywhere in your body? What are your thoughts? What emotions are you experiencing? By observing yourself, you delay doing. You have some time to think. Second, ask yourself if the person wants—or needs-- your help. Is non-doing going to be more productive than doing? Third, breathe deeply and into your belly. It will relax you and help you respond more slowly. Fourth, lean back and down (you are probably leaning forward and up—that’s a common problem solving stance). Allow yourself to relax into the conversation. Notice when your mind starts to wander and repeat the steps.

When you practice non-doing you are giving the other person a tremendous gift. And perhaps you’ll find that you’re giving one to yourself as well.

Plum Cluverius is a leadership and executive coach practicing in Richmond, Virginia.

Labels: Crucial Conversations

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

Have you ever wondered how NASCAR drivers manage to squeeze between two cars at 200 mph? or keep from hitting the wall through all those turns? They focus on where they want to go, not on what they don’t want to do. As one NASCAR driver in an interview said, if you drive thinking you don’t want to run into the wall, then you’re going to run into the wall. When you’re passing cars or weaving between them, you don’t focus on the cars, you drive for the opening you want to go through.

It’s the opposite of what we often do when we’re faced with a tough situation—whether the danger is physical or it’s a difficult conversation or decision. We focus our attention on what could go wrong—the boss will get angry, the employee will file a complaint. We become more tense, and our ability to think clearly diminishes. Because we’re obsessing about not running into the wall, we make it more likely that’s exactly what will happen. But focusing on what we want to happen, on where we want to go frees up our minds to think creatively and to act wisely. We see the opening between the cars and we go for it.

Because this behavior is unnatural to most of us, we have to practice it. We have to be aware of ourselves and our tendency to focus on the danger. And when we notice that our attention is turned to what we don’t want, we have to shift our attention to what we do want. For example, one of my executive clients had an employee who wanted a plum assignment. In other projects, however, this employee had alienated other members of the team by taking on most of the responsibility and then complaining about the team’s lack of participation. My client was concerned that the employee would become de-motivated if he didn’t get the assignment and she wasn’t sure how to approach him. But when she turned her attention to what she did want, which was to help her employee learn how to delegate effectively, she quickly decided to give him a portion of the assignment on the condition that he work with a mentor who was good at delegating. Once my client had her eye on the prize she was able to create viable solutions—and to communicate them more effectively.

It was another client of mine who discovered the information about the NASCAR driver. He uses a computer wallpaper featuring a race car to remind him that he’s much more effective when he looks for the open space instead of focusing on the cars. It’s a reminder most of us could use.

Plum Cluverius is an executive and leadership coach located in Richmond, Virginia.

Labels: Emotional Intelligence Self Mastery

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

“You are a complete idiot.” “How could you make such a stupid mistake.” “You’re always messing up!” You probably wouldn’t say any of these things—at least out loud—to someone else, but how many times have you said them to yourself? This type of language is violent and damaging, yet when we do something that causes us to feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed, this is often the language we turn to. We don’t even think about it, it’s automatic.

Why do we do it? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that guilt and shame provide the impetus for learning and positive behavior. Parents often use this tactic as a learning tool. I know I did. But shame and guilt often produce the opposite result. Instead of prompting action, they prompt resistance. How many people have you heard say, “I really should start working out” or “I really should lose weight” or “I really should control my temper better,” and then nothing ever happens.

I agree with Marshall Rosenberg, who in his book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (Puddledancer Press, 2003) says that when we use the word “should” with ourselves, we resist learning because “should” implies we don’t have a choice. He goes on to say that human beings have a strong need to control their own destiny, to freely choose, so we resist attempts, even internal ones, to force us to change against our wills.

What can we do differently? Rosenberg says that a more productive response is to ask ourselves what unmet need is behind our punishing language. For example, I often get angry with myself when I wait until the last minute to get something done. I’m feeling a lot of pressure and I keep asking myself, “when will you ever learn to plan ahead!” In this instance, my unmet need is for calm and composure.

After identifying the unmet need, the next step is to examine the needs we were trying to address with the actions that produced our guilt or self-punishment. If we also identify our unmet needs there, we can see that there was a positive intent for those actions. Then it’s easier for us to truly forgive ourselves for that mistake and to examine how we can better meet our needs the next time.

When I’m doing something at the last minute, I’m usually doing it because I’ve made too many commitments and I’m running behind. I made those commitments because I wanted to help someone or get something done that was important to me or I wanted to be seen as a competent professional or I wanted to continue building my practice. All those things are important to me. When I remember why I made those commitments, I understand how I got into such a bind and I lose my anger.

Interestingly, forgiving myself this way frees up energy for rebalancing priorities or using the time management techniques I know so well. Perhaps I think of someone to delegate to or I decide something can wait or I renegotiate with a client. Punishing myself just makes me feel guilty. Nothing changes.

I firmly believe that if we are ever to build organizations that are truly respectful and affirming, we must begin with ourselves. By learning to change the way we talk to ourselves, by turning violent language into the language of learning, we can see ourselves and consequently everything else in new and more productive ways.

Plum Cluverius is an executive and leadership coach in Richmond, Virginia. Contact her at plum@vedereconsulting.com for a free half hour consultation.

Labels: Crucial Conversations

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.