Vedere Consulting

“Our work, our relationships, and, in fact, our very lives, succeed or fail, gradually, then suddenly, one conversation at a time.”

Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations

It started innocently enough. I wanted to support our sons’ elementary school’s fundraiser so I bought and planted eight wood hyacinth bulbs. Last weekend (several years later), I spent many back-breaking hours digging up the hundreds of offspring of those eight bulbs. Exhausted and sweaty, I cursed the day I first planted them.

Many of us, like me, become the victims of the unintended consequences of our actions. Often, those unintended consequences impact others—sometimes for good and sometimes for ill. We leave behind us what Susan Scott calls our “emotional wake,” which she describes as the “aftermath” of a conversation. It’s how the other person feels after a conversation with us is over. The more powerful we are, the bigger the wake.

Executives leave a very big emotional wake, often without realizing it. When the wake is positive, when what he or she says inspires others, motivates others, leaves them feeling like they could conquer the world, the wake is a powerful force that moves the people in the organization toward greater productivity and accomplishment. When the wake is negative, people struggle and progress falters.

Why? According to Daniel Goleman in his book Primal Leadership, we work better when we feel good. Research shows we have greater mental efficiency and are more flexible in our thinking. Our emotions impact the quality and creativity of our work.

Executives and leaders have a great deal of influence on the moods of their employees because our limbic system, our emotional center, is an open-loop system. That means our limbic systems talk to each other. Our moods are influenced by others moods. Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt the tension? Your limbic system picked up the cues before your “thinking” brain analyzed the situation. You just knew it right away.

The process of mood impacting mood is called entrainment. It occurs unconsciously. Goleman’s key point is that the most important person in the room has the most impact on mood. If you are the boss, it’s your mood others pick up. It’s your wake that’s the biggest. Your mood inspires or deflates others, whether you know it or not. Every single conversation can, as Susan Scott says, change “the trajectory of a business, a career, a marriage, or a life.”

You have a responsibility to your organization and your employees to pay attention to your mood--to learn how to calm yourself, to temper your responses to others. This is something you can’t fake. Limbic systems are telling each other the true story.

Is your emotional wake—how you make people feel--strengthening or sabotaging your organization or your career?

Labels: Social Intelligence

Click for more information on executive coaching with Vedere Consulting. You can also follow Plum on Twitter.

posted by Plum  # 10:06 AM